Monday, July 23, 2007


City. It lights up the way mine does. The sounds are familiar and put me at ease. Am home and yet it is not an inch closer to my idea of belonging- I don’t belong to it and it doesn’t belong to me. She used to say that I will never find my place under the sun since it’s a sin to harbour affection for the cemented mob that surrounded me. But I did. And she laughed. The open throated cackle that puts me at ease.

People. Their eyes speak the way mine do and yet they look away. Their laughter reminds me of the warmth that used to spread in my body after umpteen high-fives and cups of coffee. She used to shake her head and remind me of futility of such indulgences. But I was high on the constant consumption of familiarity and similarity. She smirked and let me go with not even an after-taste.

Closure. I got none. She let go of my hand before I could latch on to my latest muse. I could not even bid her a pompous farewell. I wanted to but I didn’t. She used to say that I should leave in silence so that the journey back would be verbose with my experiences. But I left after declarations of my permanent alliance. She sighed and shook her head at my defiance.

Beginnings. Again. This is definitely one. Its grandiose is yet to wear off. The solution to this new maze is yet to be worked out. It has just started to accept my presence and work its way round my existence.

She refuses to say anything now because of absence of acknowledgment, which is of course, because I do not live as a part of her. I left my home, my city in search of a new haven. I intend to absolve myself of her magical hold on me. Maybe I will maybe I won't.