Sunday, July 01, 2007


I want to swim. Swim out into the deep blue. Drenched in a pale liquid, my eyes and everything disappears. My feelings come back. I swim so far away. I can't feel time. I can't come back. I swim against the crashing of the moment.

I want to cry. Like I cried years ago. It was real. Everything inside me comes out spreading around the dark floor. I cried and it broke your soul. Black stripes running along the white marble changed their course. I stared. Saw you melt away in a kitschy whirlpool of colours turning grey.

I want to laugh. Loud as the centre of my heart. We used to. Throats tickling. Eyes wide open with disbelief. Laughter was always unusual. Never explained and uninvited. Surprised me and never belonged to anyone. It is rolling back again. Asking me to smile.

I want to scream. From the force of another life, at another life of me. Shy but running through the white corridors, screaming till my lungs can feel it again. They can feel.

When I can feel again.