Friday, October 27, 2006

ALL IS FOR YOU

Come see the mist in my eyes
imagined love songs playing endlessly
as my heart melts
flows
returns

to be a part of you


All my life I will watch you
even if my words disappear
to know you lived
loved
smiled

under the shimmering lights


I finally say goodbye to this cold morning
the sheets so white
and hate so pure
joyful
evil

when all is for you

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

JUST

Just
how much longer
till I cease to exist

Just
how much longer
till you set me free

Just
how much longer
till the last tear dries up

Just
how much longer
till you say goodbye

Just
how much longer
till I am alone again

(Words dipped in moments of irrationality...meant to be preserved...to be laughed at...someday)

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

I...I...I........I love self-indulgence

I realised that I have lost three kilos thanks to some uninvited bouts of insomnia.

I can't believe I don't know how to pronounce Pyongyang, atleast I can spell it.

I hate that my two tiny cousins call me mausi ; I pretend I cannot hear them.

I don't want Afzal to be executed, not because he is not a criminal ; because we are not.

I love that I don't remember when was the last time I took a shower.

I hate begging my cousins to address me as didi ; they pretend they cannot hear me.

I love that news no longer pretends to be entertaining- "N Korea said that the nuclear tests will bring peace and stability to the Korean peninsula"- it finally is.

I hate that supporting Capital punishment has become a litmus test for being Indian, they should invent a test for being human.

I love that I haven't stepped out of my room in ages- no clubbin', pasta, dressing up, coffee, sharing jokes, alcohol.

I hate that PP is suffering from jaundice, I miss meeting her.

Of LOVE...Of LUST...Of LONELY

Finally she got a chance to slap his arm away and look out of the window angrily. She knew the smile will return in a moment and she will find herself on a deserted street, in a strange room or a comfortable couch. She started whispering something in his mouth not knowing what it was and giggled when he squeezed her ass.

It must have been a minute or maybe more, but their limbs were entangled and she did not want to waste any more time. His hungry lips were kissing her neck, his tongue found its way to her naval, followed by his cold breath on the bare skin. She was conscious of his hand caressing the fabric of her panties and her body rose in response to its movements.


His face was buried in her breasts and the muffled moans sounded funny. She looked down and strangely enough he was not there.

How is this possible...he is right there!
Hey, I can see the stars from here.
Is that the phone buzzing on the floor?
Is it nine or ten...
What the fuck... I am actually getting bored?
Ok buddy, this is... soooooo not happening!


She kissed him for a few minutes. He hugged her tightly and mumbled, "It doesn't matter", or something like that. Maybe it was another "I love your eyes". She did not care. She was concentrating on saying the right words. He started smiling at her innocent face and squeezed her hand . She smiled back at him and pulled his cheeks.

She felt sad.

If only it was him and not him.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

APPLE OF MY EYE


She was all that world could see

made of promises to keep
laughing at the summer sky
with stolen whiskey and a smile

How she loved to hear them sing
drenched in moisture on her skin
secrets chased with no regrets
till she met her life of love

She was lost on rainy days
panes on clinging spheres of glass
one more sleepless book and dreams
as we watch her fall and break

(For Arya James and a lost piece of paper with the original Apple of My Eye scribbled on it )

Sunday, October 01, 2006

I'M NUTHIN


I wanted to write this post quite some time ago, but last week when I accidently stumbled upon the TV remote with batteries that had expired long before they made it to my remote control- I knew it was time to puke this out.

I managed to steer my way to HBO and was delighted to catch the only commercial hollywood movie that captured my imagination and introduced me to the concept of self-loathing seven years ago (and continues to do so)- Reality Bites. This witty movie, the brainchild of Ben Stiller (don't be horrified...it really is his baby!) failed at breaking the cliches but continues to enjoy the loving embrace of the 'college-graduate' generation.


I was infatuated by Troy Dyer throughout my teen years- the tortured artiste, a brooding slacker and an idealistic misfit. Since last tuesday (I think) I am back to being smitten by Ethan Hawke (obviously the 1994 version of him) and the rest of the characters, but I realised that it used to be easier to mock the American "Gen-X" for trying to realise the "American Dream" and all that was promised to them.

Today, the "me-at-21" is petrified and disgusted to see traces of it all in my peers and myself.

Did the tentacles of globalisation somehow manage to poison the very generation that was its first ever guinea pigs in a "globalised" India?

Six months after graduation why am I mumbling the exact same vocabulary that the American generation of the 90s identified with?

Its not about coca-cola and pizza, master-card and GUESS, sex and MTV.

Its about creativity and TRPs, independent ideas and "India Inc.", Ankita and me.

As I continue to dream of the beauty I see; of capturing it some day; of saving it for some time, I hope I find my way beyond this reality- the one that bites.

Don't want no big TV or flashy garage, never would cut it in no corporate job
people see me coming - they say look at that slob
cause me you see
i'm nuthin
-Ethan Hawke